A tale of two social networks

Posted by JR on January 28 at 1:10 PM I was extremely late in getting on the MySpace bandwagon. My friends descended upon the growing social network in troves. Adding photos, leaving comments, and telling me all the fun I was missing out on. Finally I relented (not for any reason but to gain access to friends' photos). How smart of MySpace to force you to create a profile in order to see those of others!

But I never liked MySpace. I would go there and find that there was often nothing to do. Once I put up all of my interests, posted a few YouTube videos, and looked at those photos I so desperately wanted to see, well, there was nothing left to do. Going to that site felt like standing in a stagnant puddle. Millions of users whose profiles didn't do anything. You looked. Listened to music. And then sat there, staring at your page.

And then it got worse. Suddenly my friend requests exploded, every day with ten new people asking to be my friend. Shouldn't I be happy for my newfound popularity? Sure. Except all the desirous new acquaintances were big, busty ladies (or equally toned, shirtless men). All of them telling me to check out their other site, where pleasures of webcam video awaited me.

Oh MySpace spam, you drove me from the social network I never enjoyed spending time on.

Plus, MySpace was a warzone. With no limits on a profile design, people went insane. They filled their pages with images, widgets, videos, songs. They put the battle of normandy up for their background. They added digital pets that barked at me unless I pet or fed them.

But then - news! Facebook had opened to the public! No longer exclusively for students, anyone could sign up for the site and start a profile. My emotions must have been similar to those of Charlie Bucket when news spread through the town that the sweet hermit, Willy Wonka, had opened his factory to a group of lucky golden ticket winners.

I had never had a chance to be on Facebook (here is where I show my age). It wasn't around when I matriculated through the hallowed halls of Muhlenberg College. And, finally, when it was the next big thing, my campus had already deleted my school email address and I was forced to stand at the gates and watch with envy as those younger than me danced around in the moonlight, sampling free chocolate and joining groups like "Professor Schneider smells like an empty oatmeal box" or "Acting 101? More like acting 10-no-fun!"

Alas, that all changed when Facebook opened its doors. And in I ran. Setting up a profile. Re-uploading my photos. Re-updating my relationship status, hobbies, favorite films and music. And there was stuff to do there, too! I had a news feed that told me what my friends were doing. I would be tagged in photos (thankfully none too embarrassing) and have to approve those tags.

But then Facebook became too drunk on its power. It, like all businesses, needed to GROW. And so they did what any web startup often does. They went hog wild.

Facebook just isn't the same anymore. While they thankfully maintained the crisp, clean, two-column layout of pages, they have also opened the door to every chubby nerd in San Diego who wants to create a widget. My friends pages are skyscrapers of uselessness. Now my email box is packed with useless things that do nothing but annoy me. I've been asked how gay I am. I've been compared to Disney princesses. I was invited to join a friends caravan in The Oregon Trail, and just yesterday I was apparently kicked by a pirate, bitten by a vampire, and chased by a zombie.

And this is fun?

I don't think so. And it shows in my actions. I haven't been to Facebook in quite some time. I go when an email alert tells me that an old friend from college has found me, or some new friend I met at a bar found me. Then I go and approve their friendship request, but then promptly send them my IM screen name and try to take us as far from Facebook as I can.

Why? Because nothing is happening there either. It is a stagnant pool filled with pirates and vampires and disney princesses all pretending that there are things worth doing on a social network when, I must sadly admit, it seems that there is nothing actually worth doing.

So yes, I still have my MySpace and Facebook profiles, but what good are they? I might as well delete them! Send them to the trash! Disappear forever from these sites of people trying so desperately to justify the time they put in making profiles, uploading photo albums, and biting back at those damned vampires.

Well, I would delete my profile... but then I guess I wouldn't be able to view those possibly hilarious photos my friends put up.

And, well, I guess that isn't an ideal situation.
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